Social Love
It is my observation that people in this world fall into one of three categories: 1) Those that are searching for love 2) Those that think they are in love, and finally, 3) Those that have found love. It's commonplace these days to see people all over social media posting about their relationships (or lack thereof). While one has to believe in the right to free speech, people should realize that is a two way street. Just as you are allowed to post whatever you want on whatever social media device you choose, the people that have access to that information are allowed their opinion of those posts. That premise is what made me start blogging, and ultimately, will be the driving force behind a lot of the content this page will have to offer ... so, let's get to the topic at hand.
If you're in the first category, looking for love, I can't tell you how to find it. What I can do is tell you what annoys the hell out of me. Single bitter women: you aren't going to attract a good man by sitting at home posting about the things a real man does. He's not going to casually glance at your Facebook and be like, "Hey, I fit that criteria, I must be the man of your dreams!" Ranting about your deadbeat baby daddy is also a definite turn off. Picture-whoring yourself all over everyone's newsfeed also isn't attracting those wholesome men you post so much about. Is this my opinion? Hell, yes. But there is a much deeper point here: I am a man, and men tend to think in the same patterns. And speaking of men, don't think I forgot about you. Men aren't generally as given to the social media beast as women; however, when they do fall into that pit, they fall harder than Chrisitani Ranaldo in a World Cup match. Seriously gentlemen, have some class. If you want to find a real woman, try attracting her with your mind not your biceps. The topless parade all over social media is great eye candy for the ladies, but you aren't fishing with the right bait if you want a woman with any substance to her character. If you spend more money on your habits than your needs, I'd suggest you stop searching for "love" right now. There isn't a single woman who will play second fiddle to whatever your addiction of choice is. This includes, but is not limited to: cars, drugs, alcohol, sports, and midget porn. And for god sakes, if you have kids, take care of them. Nothing looks more horrible on a guy than deadbeat. It's NOT always about money either. Put aside time to actually spend with them. Making mature choices often seems to be a difficult thing for both sexes during the quest for the holy grail of love. We have ladies claiming they want a real man that loves them for who they are, yet they are out at the bar, multiple times a week, in hooker heels and a mini skirt showing as much cleavage as the law allows. What you're selling isn't your brain or personality when you go to the bar looking like a streetwalker. Worse still, are the men that feed into this sad and pathetic mating tango. It's not like you would buy a nice looking car without looking under the hood first, so why put so much emphasis on looks? You wonder how women get insecure about their looks, their weight, and everything in between? Sure, a good part of that is media, and self-perception, but men don't help that out any by trying to get with the hottest girl available in a group. As if all of this wasn't enough to make people swear off love completely, people trudge on in their search, often failing. For a good portion, these failed relationships only jade people further creating a circular pattern of failed relationships, bitterness, and inexorably this leads them back to the hunt. Had a bad experience with something, trying again is a good solution. After a few tries though, even lab rats learn to avoid electrified walls. Try a new formula if the last one isn't working.
So, let's assume you have successfully navigated the mating trap. How do you judge whether this is your one true love, your soulmate, or just your flavour of the month? I won't pretend to have all those answers, but I will say this: screw off with the puppy love all over social media. I expect the multi-postings all over Facebook and Twitter from teenagers, not full grown men and women. Who exactly are you trying to impress with your 3-week old relationship? Your last partner (if you even had one) doesn't care about your newfound puppy love, and neither do any of your real friends. In fact, half of them are probably disgusted with all of the cute and cuddly pictures, and gag-me-with-a-spork statuses and posts. The other half are quietly holding a pool to see how long it is before this relationship crumbles like the last. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you break up with your significant other every other week, stop bewildering the rest of the world with your constant marital status changes. Unless you plan on being meticulous on cleaning your Timeline, all those breakups are going to be visible to any future courters you may or may not have. If you need attention that badly, there are hotlines you can call, and therapists you can see. Speaking of therapists, unless your single best friend is actually a licensed mental help professional, STOP taking advice from them about your relationship. In fact, the only opinions on your relationship you should take seriously are your's and your partner's, since you two are the ones stuck with any decsions made. There are reasons your single friends are still single, and unless you want to rejoin them, I'd suggest giving their advice a wide berth. My next point, I have been guilty of for far too long. If you aren't going to talk to your partner about a problem, leave it the hell off of social media. That only serves to create a wider gap in the already present chasm of communication between the two of you and will only bring friends to have a skewed view of your mate. In the time you take to write up that post, you COULD formulate those thoughts into a cohesive letter and let your mate read it. That would be far more productive than abusing social media as your personal diary. And, stay faithful. I know we men have a hard time ignoring the temptations, but you're never going to make a relationship work if you're not putting 100 percent of your time and energy into it. I know I've been lax on that front several times in my life. I'm human, but we all need to give our mates the attention they deserve, all the time. Finally, OWN your goddamn choices. For example, if you choose to shack up with someone because it's convenient for you, own that reasoning. Don't string someone along making them think there is a relationship there that really doesnt exist. Just tell them you needed a roomate. Honesty hurts yes, but wasting precious months or years out of someone's life for your own selfish gain is just a douchey move.
Now that we've moved past puppy love, or lust, or convenience, let's assume you actually have reached the summit. You are in love. Congratulations. Quit parading it around in front of everyone; we don't care. As a matter of fact, the fact that you have to post a million pictures and statuses online to prove your love to everyone is nauseating and counterproductive: we aren't buying the bullshit you're selling. Let me clue you in to reality. Couples in love DO fight. We DO argue about money, about texting girls or guys, about doing housework, about spending time with the kids, etc. Ninety percent of real couples want to kill each other most times. Exceptions to the aformentioned rule include: When they are sleeping, eating, or having sex. And, even that last example is iffy. Let's be clear, if you are putting so much effort into convincing the world of your "perfect" relationship, it can't be perfect. My definition of a perfect relationship is pretty simple. Communicate as much as you can. Make time for it. Compromise is key. Unless you are dating your clone (which I am lucky enough to basically be doing) you are going to have different tastes, hobbies and friends. Keep it that way. Just take time out to enjoy the other person's interests now and again. Keep your relationship off of Facebook, Twitter, or whatever social media you subscribe to, or you are just asking for people to formulate their own opinions of your relationship. And, we all know it's human nature to revel in someone else's apparent misery. It's hard enough to have a meaningful relationship without thirsty whores jumping all over your apparent cries for relationship help. And, we all know "that guy". The one that cruises Facebook looking for the vulnerable girl, lacking attention, to prey upon. Don't give them an opening. I know this is easier said than done. I'm trying my best to practice what I'm preaching here, but if you want to permanently change that status from single and keep it that way, your relationship needs to be between you and your partner, not you, your partner and your 400 Facebook friends.
The Angry Black Guy, Logging off